Preparing your High School Student for Higher Education

Has your child maintained a 4.0 grade point average since they were enrolled in the First grade? If not, don’t feel bad as a parent because there are only a few parents who can brag about their child’s everlasting 4.0 GPA.

OK, OK, maybe you will fit into this category as a parent who is preparing to send their child to college:  Are college recruiters competing for the privilege of having your child enrolled in their school by promising to pay moving expenses, books, room & board for the duration of the time your child is enrolled in their school? You mean to tell me that nobody is having this experience?

So I guess you are among the large number of parents that are going to have to arm yourselves with quality information because if you were fortunate enough to answer yes to the two scenarios presented above, your problems concerning getting your child enrolled into a school would have been minimal.

 Well, there is still hope; honestly, because there is so much information available to you online concerning how you can assist your child with enrolling into college and obtaining a degree. If you simply Google a phrase like: “Help, my child is going to college and I don’t know what to do”; all kinds of information would probably pop up.

The Census Bureau estimates that a person with only an undergrad degree would earns about $600,000 more over the course of a lifetime than a person whose education ended with high school degree.

Richard W. Riley, former U.S.  Education Secretary and former Governor of South Carolina said, “Today's good jobs require skills and training beyond a high school education, and effective and accessible postsecondary education is critically important to individuals as well as our nation's economy and democracy. “

Parents, the fact that you are even reading this blog indicates that you are serious about obtaining the information needed to be ahead of the “college enrollment game.”

Have you ever heard the statement: “knowledge is power?” Well, I totally agree with that statement so, I am going to offer a few tips which will give you some information towards successfully navigating your child from walking on High School Lane to striding on College Avenue! J (Lighten up, that statement was supposed to be a joke).

1.   Make sure that your child is maintaining good grades. Your child does not have to be an A student but a D student is not an impressive thing to College administrators!  Deputy Under Secretary, Robert Shireman recently said at the National Association of Financial Aid Administrators,” Students who are well-prepared academically and who set realistic goals are much more likely to persist in college than others, even if they come from modest means.”

2.   Sit down with your child and choose a college. Now, be prepared that your child may have already chosen a particular school because a best friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend may have chosen that school.  Assure your child that choosing a school has a lot to do with the major they have chosen and their needs. Other factors to consider when choosing a school is:

a.   How long will it take your child to earn a degree

b.   Is the school big or small and will the enrollment size affect your child

c.    Is the school in a rural, suburban or urban area of town

d.   Does the school have a good sports program… is that important to your child

So you see, you have to present facts against your daughters argument which may sound                                                         like this: “Susan is going to ABC University so that’s where I am going!”

3.   If you are a single parent and not making $100,000 a year or if you are married and not making $200,000 a year, stop stressing. There is financial aid available but you will have to ask and seek before you find the programs that meet your needs. Involve your child in this process – after all it is their education we are talking about. Please don’t procrastinate on this step. Graduation will be here before you know it. In reality, you should start your financial aid search during your child’s 11^th grade year.

Besides financial aid, you should already have some money set aside for your child’s higher education. Financial aid is just that in many instances; it offers an aid or a help. If you haven’t saved as a result of not having enough money after the bills or you didn’t possess enough discipline to save, your child can still attend college. Besides financial aid there are low interest loans for college students. Loans should be your last resort.

There is so much more that I can discuss concerning helping you prepare your child for college but I think I have offered enough suggestions to at least get you started. My mother often says, “Rome was not built in one day.”  I encourage you to find parents who have successfully sent their children to college and as$k questions. You will discover some helpful tips and you will be armed with a barrage of stories concerning what to do and what not to do.

Before I end this blog, I want to congratulate you for getting a head start on preparing yourself and your child for this great adventure you’re about to embark upon together. Repeat after me: Knowledge is Power! More power to you and good luck!

Guidelines for Singles & Pre-Marital Declarations

Guidelines for Singles

I. Why do we have to wait – Purpose… God has a plan… Your steps are ordered

II. What to do during the wait  

A. Build a love relationship with God

B.  Travel

C.    Love yourself… work on self esteem issues and enjoy your own company

D.    Plan events with friends and family

1.     movies/go see a play

2.     ball game

3.     don’t be alone on significant holidays - do something different

i. travel abroad

ii. visit a nursing home, a hospital, a prison or volunteer at a homeless      

 shelter

4.     go to fancy restaurants or if you eat out a lot, go to a burger joint

5.     conferences – self motivational and spiritual

E.  Form good habits

1.     clean home or room

2.     balance your check book regularly

3.     have devotions regularly

4.     start a business

5.     start saving and investing

a.     invest in your spiritual life – study the word or take a bible course

b.     invest in your physical life buy a house, a timeshare property or join/start an investment club (have fun with some of your money)

6.     read (today a reader, tomorrow a leader)

a.     get audio books if you don’t have time to physically read

b.     read and study the traits of the opposite sex

              F.  Invest in your health and personal well being

1.     join a health club or get together with your friends for the purpose of exercising

2.     start eating healthier

3.     study the (health) generational diseases that are in your family tree

4.     get regular dental and medical check-ups

5.     get sufficient medical and life insurance

6.     look and smell good

                                                       a.     get your hair done regularly (women); get regular hair cuts (men)

                                                      b.     get your eye brows arched, manicures and pedicures done as much as possible (women)

                                                       c.     put on make-up (ladies); get the grime from under your finger nails (men); shave or shape –up your beard or moustache (men)

                                                      d.     regularly shave your legs and armpits (women)

                                                       e.     get a facial or a full body massage ( preferably by someone of the same sex and someone who is a Christian (men & women)

G. Do not choose someone because she is cute (men). Do not allow yourself to be chosen because             

     you are lonely and tired of being single (women). Do not get married because you want sex. 

H. Do not commit fornication – stay out of compromising situations

            I.   Pray for your spouse to-be (do not pray witchcraft prayers) 

Pre-Marital Declarations

Man’s Declaration:

I present the following attributes of my wife and I verbally define the steps I will take to obtain and maintain a strong marriage:

1. I will choose a woman that is pleasing to me but chosen by God. 
2. My wife is not needy. I pledge to cover her spiritually and secure her in my love. 
3. My wife is a team-player. I will maintain a clear vision for my life and our family. 
4. I will love the Lord and endeavor with my entire heart to please Him… I will be the priest of my home.
5. My wife is well-balanced in her emotions and is focused on being the best person she can be. 
6. I will know how to come in and out of the Holy ground, the battle ground and the play ground. Therefore, I will practice a holistic lifestyle. 
7. I want to be understanding, loving, kind, romantic and have a sense of humor.
8. I am a man… decisive, but not a dictator.
9. I have the spirit of prosperity so that my family does not have to live lack. 
10. I will not put my work, the ministry or any other entity before the needs of my wife or our offspring.
11. I will take care of my body.
12. I will successfully merge my independent way of life into one of a married lifestyle.
13. I will help my wife to realize her goals and dreams… I will be her coach and cultivator.  

Woman’s Declaration:

I present the following attributes I want to display in my life as a wife:

1. I will be a listener…, one who is attentive to the needs and desires of my husband.
2. I will be a nurturer of my husband’s dreams, goals and visions.
3. I will be a keeper of his vineyards. I will pray for all of his personal and business endeavors.  I will keep his secrets and entrust his faults to the Lord.  
4. If I have to hire help, I am going to make sure he is comfortable in our home.
5. I will be the best mother I can be (if applicable)
6. I will be an encourager… his personal cheerleader.
7. I will be feminine: his lady and his lover.
8. I will be a Godly example to our children.
9. I will be fun, full of life and adventure.
10. I will submit to my husband.
11. I will look my best for my husband (as well as for myself). I will stay physically fit and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Cheating Politicians

A few months ago, I was viewing some of the main stories on MSN.com and one read: “Edwards’ Ex-Mistress Breaks Her Silence”. More recently, I read a story online about a Politician who confessed to his torrid 8 year affair and I thought to myself, why do people cheat?

Lately, the media has been exposing politicians for their involvement in extramarital affairs.  These types of stories have been occurring so frequently that the ‘shock factor’ is no longer there for me.  While I am aware that women cheat, these recent ‘sexy revelations’ have mostly implicated men.  By the way, don’t you just hate to see their pitiful faces and hear their empty apologies? What is worse is when they ask their wives to stand by their side to show solidarity and promote the image of a strong marital union. I know I am staying too long on this bunny trail, but really, these men should be advised that no one believes that their marriage is strong simply because their wife is standing by their side. A marriage is strong because two people work tirelessly to make it strong!

If I could speak to an unfaithful husband who got caught and now has to make a public apology; I would say to him: “Sir, your wife has been traumatized enough by your private actions so instead of requesting that she publicly stand by your side while you disclose the events that has caused her great pain, she should be allowed to be in a peaceful atmosphere where she can begin the healing process.”

As I stated earlier, the recent disclosures of infidelity in high places is becoming a common reoccurrence among our political leaders. Therefore, I want to discuss reasons I believe that these powerful public figures cheat; then I want to offer solutions that may be helpful to Joe, the private citizen who may be contemplating cheating on his wife. Let us begin by discussing a few reasons why powerful men cheat on their wives.

1. Men enjoy being the knight in shining amour and women like to be with men who are powerful.  Therefore, in my opinion, a man who has been married to a woman for some time and has many responsibilities that come along with having a family may not feel like he is powerful in the eyes of his wife or himself.  On the other hand, a single lady who deems him to be a world shaker and history maker may stop at nothing until she has captured his attention and affection. 
2. These men are selfishness. When they are engaging in a “double-lifestyle,” they are thinking about their own gratification. They are aware that their actions will not be accepted by their wife and society, yet, in many instances, they carry on their extra-marital affairs until they are caught.
3. Some of these men did not have good examples of a faithful father, so, they may not have a clear picture of how to be loyal to a woman. Lord forbids if this man is a momma’s boy...  that’s another story for another day! 
4. Many of these men have inflated egos and they have become accustomed of people around them granting them their hearts desires.  These men are used to the red carpet lifestyle. Their political campaigns are based upon their good character and many of their employees bow at their shrine so I would imagine that it may be a challenge to remain humble, especially at home.
5. They enjoy the attention of multiple women. Remember I said earlier that women like to be associated with powerful men? Well, as a result of this scenario, these men have a plethora of women to choose from and in many instances, they pick the hottest ‘willing’ woman.
6. It has been reported that men cheat because they no longer consider their wives as sexy. In many instances a wife who is an active mother and career woman is guilty of allowing the sexual sparks to die. However, the lack of romance is something that a marital couple should work on together and if they are unsuccessful, they may seek the help of a counselor but the answer should never be a mistress.

Whatever reasons a man has for cheating on his wife; it is not worth it. The price of infidelity is too high to pay. The late, President Benjamin Franklin said, “It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation and only one bad one to lose it.” 

As a result of getting caught cheating, a political career that took several years to maintain could be crippled after the press exposes their infidelity. The public figure may feel the waves of sorrow long after the press conference is completed in so many ways:

-          He loses the respect of many personal friends and colleagues. 

-          His innocent family is mortified.

-          His wife may seek a divorce and request half or more of his money.

-          His mistress in many instances sues and writes a tell-all book.

-          The media refuses to let the story die until every rotten detail has been dissected and re-dissected.

I would love to have the opportunity to speak to global elected officials concerning the infidelity problem that is growing at such a rapid rate.  I would tell them that if they are consistently engaging in anything that is wrong; they are playing with fire... and they will eventually get caught!

I would inform them that many of these women are professional home wreckers. They are satisfied to be the mistress. They are living in the moment at your expense. Oh yes, I would warn these men and tell them to beware of the woman who only wants him as a result of his political clout and his money.

Now of course, there are those women who think that you are going to leave your wife and children, (if you have any) for her. Either she is naïve or overwhelmed by your ability to speak convincingly;… hmmm, maybe that’s the method you used to charm her right out of her panties.

Be that as it may, you are a politician: one elected to political office to create or administrate public policy for a period of time.  By the way, I came up with that definition based on my knowledge of this subject. When someone votes for a political candidate, they are giving them their vote of confidence and they expect that person to uphold the office and perform the duties for which they were elected. Voters feel a sense of disappointment and even betrayal when Politicians use their office for their own personal purposes. By and large, you were elected as a result of being able to articulate and explain your platform in a convincing manner. Now here is some more common sense advice for you Mr. powerful, politician, “Wake up sir!” 

1.      If you sense an attraction to someone who is not your wife, do not trust yourself to be isolated with that person. Starve that attraction because even the smallest morsel of nourishment can sustain that attraction or infatuation for years.

2.      Do not indulge in personal chit-chat that can send signals to your personal parts

3.      Do not give gifts, especially of a monetary nature.

Many powerful married men get divorces for a variety of reasons. Irreconcilable differences are reasons that I can appreciate but infidelity... come on!    

Doing the Right Thing is the Best Thing

We like what we like, and since that is the case, it is difficult to stop doing what we like even if the thing we like to do is wrong. Wow – I got dizzy just writing that.

Some people I know won’t stop doing something that is pleasurable (yet wrong), until they get caught. For example, someone who is cheating on a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, may be forced to discontinue their cheating ways, once they get caught. Another example of someone who may have to quit doing something that is wrong which brings them pleasure, is someone who has been arrested and sent to prison for using or selling illegal drugs.  

There are so many more scenarios I could use to prove my point but I think you got the picture. If we are consistently engaging in anything that is wrong, we need to be converted.  Now, the word converted means to be rehabilitated, transformed, renewed and listen to this, improved.

Whether a person is caught in a wrong act or not, they are going to need personal discipline if they want to remain rehabilitated or converted. Let me drive my point home a little bit further with a slightly different twist. Let’s use another scenario where no one is getting caught while engaging in an act that is ‘pleasurably wrong’. If someone is grossly overweight, yet desires to be physically fit, they may first have to change their eating habits in order to see their body transform. However, if their idea of a snack is two large buckets of fried chicken, a large bowl of mash potatoes, a liter of their favorite soda and a dozen glazed donuts; they will never witness the self improvement they say they desire. My point: besides not attaining their goal to be thin, the overweight person may suffer negative health challenges simply because they won’t discipline themselves by eating healthier, smaller portions of food.

I’m going to repeat myself: we like what we like, and since that is the case, it is difficult to stop doing what we like even if the thing we like to do is wrong.

I am not a psychologist; however, I happen to know that people do wrong things because they may have been rejected, hurt, abused, have low self esteem, etc. They may do things against their better judgment because they want to fit in or simply feel good for the moment.  Well, what they don’t realize is that the food, sex, drugs or whatever their vice may be is never going to be enough because they have a void that is not being fulfilled.  They must discover and deal with the root of the problem. Have you ever heard the statement: “hurting people hurt people?” Well, in many cases, hurting people also hurt themselves. It is a vicious cycle.

People make bad choices all the time but bad choices should not be a reoccurring affair in one’s life. We should be responsible for our actions and if we have a problem of over indulgence of any kind, we should try to stop by using will power and other self help methods. If that does not work, and we are serious about being converted or improved, we should seek professional help.  

                                         

A few years ago, there was an adage that became very popular: ‘WWJD (what would Jesus do)?’  You could find this saying on bumper stickers, jewelry, etc.  Years later, ‘WWJD’ is no more popular because many people refuse to commit themselves to a lifestyle of discipline and discipline was a way of life for Jesus.